“And On The Seventh Day God Rested”

The Book of Genesis Illustrated by R. Crumb

Start the brainwashing as young as possible

And He sayeth to mankind “If it’s good enough for me, it’s good enough for you!”

Well, maybe it doesn’t quite say that in Genesis 2:2+3.

According to one version of the King James Bible the actual words are:

And on the seventh day God ended his work which he had made; and he rested on the seventh day from all his work which he had made.

And God blessed the seventh day, and sanctified it:because that in it he had rested from all his work which God created and made.

The title page to the 1611 first edition of th...

Fairy tales for grown ups

And who would deny Him his day of rest? After all, he’d been pretty busy the past week. It’s hard work creating the Earth and the Sun and the stars. Not to speak about the plants and animals and fish and reptiles – and a man, who, somehow, acquired the name of Adam! And all on a pretty tight time schedule.

Since He didn’t want encourage the act of buggery, he had to move pretty quickly to create a women, so that Adam could fornicate in the officially approved manner.

And so, according to Genesis 2: 21+22:

And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept; and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof.

And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.

So it seems that God knew something about cloning. – but not everything. Given the way in which woman was supposedly created, how come she didn’t turn out to be another man? What a difference that would have made to the course of human history!

The book of Genesis is a goldmine of additional nonsense. I see it as a tribute to the unbelievably fertile imagination of man and his ability to translate these mental wanderings into such a perfect literary form.

Anyway, having created the product (a new religion) and an e-book of its era (the Bible), man’s ingenuity had to turn to the question of marketing and promotion. After some market research, it became obvious that the best nation to handle the practical and financial side had to be the Jews. So they were given the task of launching the new product on to an unsuspecting world.

Firstly, they had to identify the USP (unique selling point), and they decided on the “only one God” option as the best alternative to the plethora of Greek and Roman gods cluttering the market.

Then came the need to set up a proper operational structure to both manage the venture, and ensure a permanent source of income for those it would designate as “God’s messengers.” It was around this time that the decision was taken to keep the religion on a somewhat exclusive basis and not offer it freely to the hoi-polloi. Hence they invented the marketing trick of product exclusivity.

The marketing plan worked for a couple of thousand years or so, which is not bad for such an item.

But, as is the way with free markets, nothing can dominate for ever. So along came some Jews with a new version of the religion – sort of Judaism 1.1. Their USP was to develop the God idea to another level. The marketing gurus understood that what was needed was a spectacular launch; thus was born (literally) the idea of conception without the involvement of a man. They named the baby Jesus figuring that this name would stand out from the myriad Josephs and Jacobs so popular at that time.

They calculated – correctly as it turned out – that if they could get the people to swallow the story of a virgin giving birth, everything after that would be plain sailing. Which it was, for quite a few years. But then, they lost control of their protegé, who got a bit carried away with his own image, that had been so painstakingly created. He managed to really piss off the “original” Jews so much that they referred the problem to their Board of Directors (the “Sanhedrin’), claiming that the new product was taking too much market share.

The Directors went directly to the controlling authority in the region, the Roman Governor.  He decided the only way to deal with the problem was to put a contract out on the troublemaker – and the result is well known.

English: Jesus on the cross on the Stone Bridg...

Oops! Slight miscalculation!(but the wooden copies are a hot item) 

But this decision proved to be an unexpected windfall for the leaders of the new religion as they identified a new marketing ploy. A dead martyr could provide a really good image for the future.  They starting thinking the endless linked merchandising deals that could generate valuable extra income. Mugs and keyrings, t-shirts and carved wooden figures, the list was endless. And they had the unique advantage of knowing that their only other competitor in the market couldn’t come up with an alternative. Their predecessors  had screwed them by devising the Second Commandment forbidding any images of their God.

And so they achieved market domination very quickly, and never looked back. They also understood that new customers would be encouraged to join if the old restrictive rules were relaxed. No more having to find a secret place on Yom Kippur to eat a bacon sandwich; in fact, no more worrying about restricted foods at all. As for the Sabbath – no problem. Leave the old one to the Jews and create a new one where anything goes.

The Jews reaction to losing their number one spot in the market was to turn inwards and collectively sulk. They decided to make it even more difficult to be one of them, and spent the best part of the next 2000 years devising restriction on restriction. If you really were determined to become a Jew, it was necessary to suspend all rational thought before entering the conversion process.And it was a bit more physically painful for men!

And as if the market was not already full, along came a newcomer, some 600 years after Jesus, with yet another variation on the “One God” concept. Preaching love, but practising aggression, the religion of Islam carved out a hefty chunk of the market for a further 1000 or so years. I don’t want to say too much more about Islam, or its leading protaganist, since they are a bit too free with handing down Fatwas on those daring to question their beliefs. “Become a Muslim or die” proved to be a pretty successful and persuasive marketing slogan over the centuries

Today Islam has about a 20% market share with 1.4 billion customers. Christianity is the market leader with around 33% or 2.0 billion customers. The Jews have an insignificant share of 0.2% or around 13 million customers.

English: Milan Cathedral Polski: Katedra w Med...

Milan Cathedral - nice piece of real estate (and how many beggars outside?)

With a combined share of over half the market, Christianity and Islam have a huge operational infrastructure in place to control the smooth running of their respective businesses. Hundreds of thousands of churches,cathedrals and mosques with a real estate value running into uncountable hundreds of billions of Dollars.

Millions of priests,vicars,bishops,archbishops, and imams earning a nice living administering funds of unimaginable proportions. Even Apple and Google would be envious of such a business built on nothing more than mankind’s infinite gullibility.

The one thing than can be said about the Jews is that, although they lost numerical market share big time, they compensate for that in other ways. Some claim that they control and dominate great chunks of the market, out of all proportion to their numbers. Their activities certainly dominate the media reports every day.

But inside Israel, they continue to fight amongst themselves about hugely contentious issues such as allowing public transport on the Sabbath – or not. Any nation which manages to have 13 different political parties in a Knesset (Parliament) of 120 members cannot stop itself from struggling for consensus on everything.

Today – with the prospect of Armageddon staring it in the face – the current arguments in the nation are about the day of rest!

Those original composers of the Fourth commandment have much to answer for!

Andyboy- Telling it as it is

 

Picture credits

http://www.flickr.com/photos/12567713@N00/4188814692 (Kids book)

All others: public domain or GNU free

Related Articles

http://andyboy1.com/2011/11/05/atheists-in-israel-oh-my-god/

http://andyboy1.com/2011/11/07/so-a-rabbi-a-priest-and-an-imam-go-into-a-bar/

http://andyboy1.com/2012/01/29/facebook-is-disturbing-gods-messengers/

Advertisements

2 comments on ““And On The Seventh Day God Rested”

  1. Pingback: “God – I Have A Problem With My Onion!” | andyboy

  2. It should be no surprise that a religion founded upon lies and that has continues to lie would attract more liars. If religion were held to the “truth in advertising” laws of any other business (never mind paying the taxes they should) they would be out of business in six months. Really, would that be such a bad thing?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s