“God – It’s Andyboy. How Do You Deal With Claustrophobic Sinners?”


Confessional box, Holy Family Roman Catholic C...

Honestly, God, would you like to be stuck inside one of these? (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I think you need to open a Facebook page, or a Twitter account.

Mark Zuckerberg, Founder & CEO of Facebook, at...

Zuckerberg – maybe you could use his help,,,,,,,, (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It may have escaped your attention, considering all the other things that are occupying your time, but we are living in the second decade of the 21st century. You need to catch up with the technology.

The reason that I am saying this is that, over the past couple of weeks, I have availed myself of the confessional service that you provide through some of your messengers.

In case they didn’t report back to you – I’m not sure that they ever do – I will tell you that I got into hot water over some remarks I made about the religious leaders of your Chosen People“, and, also, about the leaders of your not so chosen people ( the Muslims).  At least, I assume they are not so chosen, based upon their attitudes and actions. I must admit that, as a fully practicing Atheist, I have some difficulty in understanding if Jehovah and Allah are actually the same. Are they both you, or is it a family business, and you’re just related?

Anyway, that is not really the issue now.

The point is that, as I simply didn’t have the time to wait for the Day of Atonement to come round in 5 months or so, I thought I would try out the service offered by the competition. It seemed that “absolution on demand’ would be the easiest solution to my problem.

Being new to this game, I was not really prepared for the fact that it would involve me entering a dark, un-ventilated and somewhat smelly wooden box carrying the residual odours of the previous occupants. It seemed to me to be somewhat lacking in the sense of spiritual serenity I had anticipated. But then, I asked myself, “why should I expect 5 star luxury in a space reserved for sinners?”

Then it occurred to me, how do you deal with claustrophobic sinners?  

Is leaving the door open, or not drawing the curtain, sufficient? And what about privacy? Or is it that those suffering from this condition are just stuck with their sins forever, as if you didn’t give them enough of a problem anyway?

So I got to thinking, about applying some 21st century technology? Maybe you could create a Facebook page, or a Twitter account, or, even, an Internet Website.  And this would solve the problem, not only for those fearing confined spaces, but, also, for those who don’t want to leave the comfort of their home to deal with something about which they feel uncomfortable in any case.

Image representing iPhone as depicted in Crunc...

How about an APP for sinners?…….Image via CrunchBase

You could even create an i-Phone or Android Application! Absolution with a swipe of the finger! You could call it “an App for sinners”, and it could get you a lot more clients.

I assume that you would not be deterred by the fact that you would have to use the services created by Jews like Zuckerberg and Brinn. They are working with a primarily non-Jewish market already, so it shouldn’t put you off. By the way, now could be a good time to get connected to Facebook. If you’re quick, you may even be able to get a piece of he action. I’m sure you could pull a few strings, and your messengers on Earth could always use a few extra bucks.

So, give it thought, and let me know your conclusion. You can always find me at the URL above.

I will assume that if I don’t hear from you, it will be confirmation that you don’t actually exist.

Either that, or you simply prefer to stick with the traditional system, and to hell with claustrophobes.

Literally!

Andyboy – Telling it as it is.

Connected articles

http://andyboy1.com/2012/04/21/forgive-me-father-for-i-have-sinned/

http://andyboy1.com/2012/05/05/sorry-father-but-i-have-sinned-again/

Excuse Me God – But WTF Are You Allowing Rockets To Fall On Your Chosen People?


Flickr - Israel Defense Forces - Home Front Co...

You see what I mean!

An open letter from Andyboy

Dear God,

Sorry to trouble you; I’m sure you’ve got your hands full with all that’s happening in the world you created in less than a week. Maybe you should have taken a bit longer – at least worked the Saturday; rushing things can lead to unintended consequence.

Anyway, my problem is trying to understand why you continue to allow bad things to happen to your Chosen People. I am right in assuming that you did choose the Jews, am I not? As far as I can understand, they’ve had a pretty shitty existence ever since you decided they were “special.”

Two priests demand a heretic to repent as he i...

Didn't the Inquisitors also pray to you?

I mean, we’ve just finished with Purim and remembering what fate was planned for the Jews by the Persians the first time round. And soon we’ll be dredging up the memories of what happened to us in Egypt under a not very sympathetic Pharoah. A couple of weeks after that we’ll commemorate the Holocaust, and we recall also, from time to time, the Romans, the Inquisition, the pogroms and a whole host of bad things inflicted upon us over thousands of years.

And, as if all that is not enough, look where you chose to locate the Promised Land! In the only part of the region without oil!

Yellow badge Star of David called "Judens...

Not easy being a Jew!

What were you thinking? Is this some sort of test – sort of character building stuff? Make life as difficult as possible and they’ll be all the stronger for it, type of philosophy?

So, you give all the oil to our neighbours and what do they do with it? They use it to control the world! And at $125 a barrel (and rising) they’re screwing everyone and laughing all the way to the bank.Didn’t you see this coming? I was taught that you were all powerful, but I’m having serious doubts now.

To be honest, I’m having serious doubts as to whether you actually exist. I mean, no God, in his or her right mind, would permit all the crap that’s going on the world right now.

And, as if the above is not enough, we’ve had over 200 rockets fall on our heads in the past 3 days, compliments of a people who pray to you under another name. And we live under the threat of thousands more where they came from.

Great! This is the best you can do for the Chosen Ones?

You know something, God; Maybe, next time, chose someone else!

Sorry to be so blunt, but I didn’t get my gas mask from Home Front Command yet, and I’m feeling a bit vulnerable right now.

Andyboy – Telling it as it is – even to God!

P.S. On second thoughts, I’m certain you don’t exist. Want to send me a sign?

P.P.S. Do you actually look anything like Morgan Freeman?

Well - he couldn't do a worse job.....

Photo credits

Freeman- a-eskinsley – time.com

Others: Public domain or GNU free

There are Lies. There are Damn Lies – and There are Statistics!


“Poll: 80% of Israeli Jews Believe in God”

“Extensive Judaism study conducted by Guttman Institute and AVI Chai Foundation points to increase in number of religious and Haredi Jews, decrease in number of traditional and secular Jews.” (Ynet 28/1/12)

“Survey finds record number of Israeli Jews believe in God”

“First comprehensive study in a decade: More Israelis finding religion” (Ha’aretz 27/1/12)

taken by משתמש:Hmbr

The truth - but not the whole truth

Dramatic headlines – and frightening if true. But, as always, there are substantial differences between the message of the headline and the material in the body of the story. The articles refer to a survey carried out every 10 years or so, and purport to show a real change in the demographic structure of Israel with reference to religious belief.

However a closer examination of the details show a different picture. For example, in neither of the news reports is there any reference to statistical error. Given that the purpose of the survey was to show changes over a period of around 20 years, the claimed differences fall well within a sampling error range of 3% to 4 %, which is a regularly accepted deviation.

In answer to the question : “Do you believe in God?” the figures for believers are: 76% in 1991 and 80% in 2009. It is also interesting that this includes the answers of  those who “believe wholeheartedly”and “believe, but sometimes doubt”. How one is supposed to extrapolate a definite figure with such questions escapes me.

In answer to the question: “are Jews the Chosen People” the answers are statistically meaningless: 69% in 1991 and 70% in 2009.

The other side of the picture is that in 2009, 46% defined themselves as Secular, “down” from 52% in 1991.  Given the substantial increase in the numbers of Ultra-Orthodox Jews in the past 20 years, it is extraordinary that the change is so small.

The headlines could easily have read:

“Almost half of Israeli Jews are not religious”

The sub-heading could have quoted that the survey also showed that:

English: Rainbow flag flapping in the wind wit...

Tel Aviv - number 1 in the world for Gay Tourism

“between 58% – 68% of respondents stated that shopping centres, public transportation, sporting events, cafes, restaurants and cinemas should be allowed to operate on Shabbat. More than half ( 51%) were in favour of civil marriage.

There are various other contradictory elements mentioned, which, taken together, show that it is possible to place any interpretation one wants on the figures. I assume that, for reasons of sensationalism, and in the interests of selling more newspapers, or creating more media attention, the headlines quoted above were chosen.

I am not questioning the motives or techniques used by those who carried out the survey; I’m sure they were well intentioned and professional in their approach. But the road to Hell is often paved with good intentions. Unfortunately, no one can control how the media will manipulate the information.

Statistical surveys are all about interpretation. I can only hope that my understanding is closer to the truth, and that Israel is not descending into religious fundamentalism, in spite of the recent disturbing events involving some Haredi extremists.

Perhaps they were acting out of desperation, feeling that in reality, and despite their best efforts and political clout, they are not winning the battle for the hearts and minds of Israeli Jews.

Anti-Israeli Jews

Not the best example of "The Chosen people"

 

I fervently hope so, otherwise we can kiss goodbye to Herzl’s dream of  “a free people in their own land.”

 

Andyboy – Telling it as it is