I think you need to open a Facebook page, or a Twitter account.
It may have escaped your attention, considering all the other things that are occupying your time, but we are living in the second decade of the 21st century. You need to catch up with the technology.
The reason that I am saying this is that, over the past couple of weeks, I have availed myself of the confessional service that you provide through some of your messengers.
In case they didn’t report back to you – I’m not sure that they ever do – I will tell you that I got into hot water over some remarks I made about the religious leaders of your “Chosen People“, and, also, about the leaders of your not so chosen people ( the Muslims). At least, I assume they are not so chosen, based upon their attitudes and actions. I must admit that, as a fully practicing Atheist, I have some difficulty in understanding if Jehovah and Allah are actually the same. Are they both you, or is it a family business, and you’re just related?
Anyway, that is not really the issue now.
The point is that, as I simply didn’t have the time to wait for the Day of Atonement to come round in 5 months or so, I thought I would try out the service offered by the competition. It seemed that “absolution on demand’ would be the easiest solution to my problem.
Being new to this game, I was not really prepared for the fact that it would involve me entering a dark, un-ventilated and somewhat smelly wooden box carrying the residual odours of the previous occupants. It seemed to me to be somewhat lacking in the sense of spiritual serenity I had anticipated. But then, I asked myself, “why should I expect 5 star luxury in a space reserved for sinners?”
Then it occurred to me, how do you deal with claustrophobic sinners?
Is leaving the door open, or not drawing the curtain, sufficient? And what about privacy? Or is it that those suffering from this condition are just stuck with their sins forever, as if you didn’t give them enough of a problem anyway?
So I got to thinking, about applying some 21st century technology? Maybe you could create a Facebook page, or a Twitter account, or, even, an Internet Website. And this would solve the problem, not only for those fearing confined spaces, but, also, for those who don’t want to leave the comfort of their home to deal with something about which they feel uncomfortable in any case.
You could even create an i-Phone or Android Application! Absolution with a swipe of the finger! You could call it “an App for sinners”, and it could get you a lot more clients.
I assume that you would not be deterred by the fact that you would have to use the services created by Jews like Zuckerberg and Brinn. They are working with a primarily non-Jewish market already, so it shouldn’t put you off. By the way, now could be a good time to get connected to Facebook. If you’re quick, you may even be able to get a piece of he action. I’m sure you could pull a few strings, and your messengers on Earth could always use a few extra bucks.
So, give it thought, and let me know your conclusion. You can always find me at the URL above.
I will assume that if I don’t hear from you, it will be confirmation that you don’t actually exist.
Either that, or you simply prefer to stick with the traditional system, and to hell with claustrophobes.